I remember the first time that I became aware of Christopher Hitchens. I had become a fan of Penn and Teller's Bullshit show. I was at the very beginning of my search (and later, love) for truth and the boys had engaged Hitch to do a taped bit or two. It was actually really funny. Not because of what he said (he was laying waste to Mother Theresa's legacy), but because the production crew made him wait and he looked really, really annoyed as he sat there puffing on his smokes and drinking his scotch. I remember thinking, what a d*ck.

Fast forward a few months and my insatiable quest for truths brought me to religion. I was checking out youtube one day and I came across a video of the "Four Horsemen" of atheism. I knew who three of the guys were but I knew nothing of Hitch other than what I saw on P&T. I clicked on one of the videos and... oh my. If you've never seen Hitch debate, you're in for a treat. From then on, I was hooked.

While he is known for being an atheist (or as he liked to say, he was a "non-theist". Atheism is not a disbelief in God, it is the rejection of religion), his atheism was just a by-product of his desire for truth. At the heart of everything he did there was inquiry and self examination. After all, if you don't have those two things what do you have? I believe the answer is that you would have wishful version of reality. I can think of few things more depressing than that.

I think message shaped the core of who I am today. Rather, who I aspire to be. I think one of the hardest things for a person to do is to be able to look himself in the mirror and admit that there are warts. It is so much easier to jus simply believe that you're a good person or everything happens for a reason or that you are going to live forever. It is easier to cover up a terrible action (or inaction) with some convenient justification. I think that is why I struggle with politics. I have friends that admit that their side isn't right, but they are more right than the other side. I'm sorry, that isn't good enough. Besides, the minute you say you've joined they stop working for your vote.

I think one of his greatest lessons was about the dangers of belonging to groups. The minute you identify yourself with a group you have lost your individuality. You can say that you agree with everything except x, y and z, but at the end of the day you're still supporting x, y and z whether you want to or not. You're also put in a position where you have to defend the idiocy of other people in your group. For me, this made total sense. Why the hell would anyone want to be a sheep? While I may loosely identify myself as a Libertarian I really only wish to be classified as a "critical thinker". That's it. What else would I need? Some of you might be saying that I identify myself as an atheist. Well, yes, but a lack of belief in something does not qualify as an ideology. After all, there isn't a name for people that do not believe in Santa. Hitch often (correctly) chided Richard Dawkins for trying to group atheists into joining a group called (gulping) "The Brights".

His book that had the most profound affect on me was not God is Not Great. It was Letters to a Young Contrarian. I can't wait for my kids to be old enough to read this text as the life lessons are incredible:

"Beware the irrational, however seductive. Shun the "transcendent" and all who invite you to subordinate or annihilate yourself. Distrust compassion; prefer dignity for yourself and others. Don't be afraid to be thought arrogant or selfish. Picture all experts as if they were mammals. Never be a spectator of unfairness or stupidity. Seek out argument and disputation for their own sake; the grave will supply plenty of time for silence. Suspect your own motives, and all excuses. Do not live for others any more than you would expect others to live for you. "

You wont' hear that on Sundays.

I guess you could say that Hitch was a kind of hero to me, but not a hero in the traditional meaning of the word. Part of being a critical thinker is not looking up to anyone. I cringe when I hear that parents should install (fill in the blank) in their kids. The only thing I want my kid to do is to think for himself. This just in - Daddy isn't always right. There were areas where I disagreed with Hitch. That's ok - the point is that the inquiry was being made and the inquiry was not based on wish-thinking or other false premises. I also got the feeling that if I had met Hitch in real life that I very well might have hated him (a recent CFI lecturer told a funny story about how Hitch had asked him to drop all of his plans one night so that they could dine together. Not only did Hitch not show up, he never mentioned it). In a forward to his last book one of his friends described Hitch's dislike of servers and other people in "lesser" professions. I wish that I had known of him earlier so that I could have met him, but part of me knows that meeting him might very well resulted in disappointment. It would have mattered not - a critical thinker know that good ideas are good idea, regardless of who says them.

Hitch re-introduced me to great works by Mark Twain, Thomas Paine and David Hume. I plan on reading some of the great literary works that he has mentioned throughout his books. I was touched by his love of his adopted country ("only someone that wasn't born here can appreciate it") and his belief that the only real patriot is someone that continually challenges the status quo. He was at the forefront of the battles against misogyny, homophobia and the like (almost always advocated by religion). I think if there is a kinship that I feel with other skeptical thinkers, atheists, etc, it is that I know their position on certain topics without asking. I don't have to guess as to how they have cherry-picked through their holy book to base their opinion. I know that they are for equal rights, stem cell research, etc.

So at the end of the day I am just really, really bummed. I'm not going to lie - I shed a tear or two. At some point I'll want to get back to watching the videos where he smashes some Christian Professor but that won't be for a while. I've put on a few of his videos where he talks about promoting humanity and liberty as I feel that is where we have lost a real leader (or as Hitch would say, Comrade). I can't lie to you - it depresses the hell out of me to be listening to these intelligent and inspiring lectures only to wander back over to Facebook to see the usual collection of idiocy (I think the one that got me today was "good things happen to good people" and "everything happens for a reason", all in the same post. At the end of the day it depresses me that friends and loved ones still subscribe to this nonsense.

I have to admit to indulging into a rather odd late-night behavior on occasion (after I've had a few beers). At that time of night (and with some liquid goodness) some people pine for past loves. I put on Hitch videos and become inspired. Maybe I am making up for never having gotten high, I don't know. I recently had a conversation with a friend about spirituality and the like. To an atheist , this is spirituality. It is inspiring and intellectual and and beautiful. I've posted my favorite video (2 parts) below. If you want to see all of what I have been trying to convey in this blog wrapped up in a neat little package, please check it out (some of it is pretty funny).

We lost a good one.