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    My New Employment After the Rapture


    Created on Wednesday, May 12, 2010        Bookmark and Share

    Home -> Blog -> 2010 -> May


    I may have found the smartest guy in the world.

    (disclaimer: I know I shouldn't need to say this, but this blog is meant to draw a laugh as it pokes fun at belief and disbelief)

    A gentleman (ok, an atheist - I know that some think that the two can't be the same) has figured out a way to capitalize on the fundamentalist Christianity that seems to be on the rise in our country. His idea? His organization will take care of the pets of Christians after the Rapture. I kid you not - the article is here and worth the read.

    Wow, where to start.... How about we take a peek at some of the highlights?
    The service has attracted more than 100 clients, who pay $110 for a 10-year contract ($15 for each additional pet.) If the Rapture happens in that time, the pets left behind will have homes—with atheists. Centre has set up a national network of godless humans to carry out the mission. "If you love your pets, I can't understand how you could not consider this," he says.

    Take a step back and admire this guy's genius. Rather than fighting the fights that atheists fight every day, he takes a basket of lemons and makes a freaking pool of lemonade. Why didn't anyone else (ok, me) think of this first? "You believe in the afterlife and I don't. Why don't we you scratch my back and I'll scratch yours and everyone wins here". Pure genius.
    "I'm trying to figure out how to cash in on this hysteria to supplement my income."

    Genius (again).
    Whatever motivates Centre, he has tapped into a source of genuine unease. Todd Strandberg, who founded a biblical prophecy Web site called raptureready.com that draws 250,000 unique visitors a month, agrees that Fido and Mittens are doomed. "Pets don't have souls, so they'll remain on Earth. I don't see how they can be taken with you," he says.

    Woo hoo! Now we're at the good stuff.

    There is a site that will help us get ready for the rapture? That is FANSTASTIC news. I've been sitting here looking for a copy of the "Rapture for Dummies" and it just falls into my lap. At a rate of 250,000 new people a month, we'll all be ready for the Rapture in about 200 years. I pity those without Internet access - what will become of them? We better start making hard copies.

    Futhermore, it is good to know that animals do not have souls - I had been struggling with that one as well. On the down side, it is sad to think that my beloved cats will not reap the benefits of the big cloud in the sky. Strangely, they seem rather happy with their lives. Hmmmmmm.....
    "A lot of persons are concerned about their pets, but I don't know if they should necessarily trust atheists to take care of them."

    Woa. What? Yes, we must be busy starting wars, laying down with women of low character and causing a general ruckus. There might not be time to feed Rufus the dog. But on the plus side, won't the anarchy be amazing to watch?
    This paradox poses a challenge for Centre. He must reassure the Rapture crowd that his pet rescuers are wicked enough to be left behind but good enough to take proper care of the abandoned pets. Rescuers must sign an affidavit to affirm their disbelief in God—and they must also clear a criminal background check. "We want people who have pets and are animal lovers," Centre says. They also must have the means to rescue and transport the animals in their charge. His network consists of 26 rescuers covering 22 states. "They take this very seriously," Centre says.

    Hallelujah, maybe they are hiring. But they make a good point here - we must be callous enough to not believe in God but not too evil to not be trusted. I'm amazed that they can find infidels that fit such a narrow category. Maybe there is hope for this narrow band of disbelievers. Quick, somebody do something!
    The rescuers won't know the precise location of the animals until the Rapture arrives, at which time they will contact Centre for instructions. "I've got to get to [the pets] within a maximum of 18 to 24 hours. We really don't want them to wait more than a day." A day she believes will never come.

    So let me get this straight. These believers think that when the Rapture comes (it was a struggle not to say "if") that those that denied it will dutifully head off to collect the pets of those that we've been shaking our heads at? I consider myself to be a humanist. A big part of who I am is the belief that we'd be much better off without religion. Having said that, if this all did take place the last thing yours truly is going to be doing is picking up the dry cleaning and collecting some pets. I picture myself dropping down to my knees and offering up the kind of excuses that John Belushi offered up to Carrie Fisher about why he left her at the alter in "Blues Brothers".
    Centre doesn't think he will ever have to follow through on the service he offers. But he believes in virtuous acts. His Web site directs about $200 a month in proceeds from Google ads to food banks in Minnesota and New Hampshire. And to pet owners, he has already delivered something of great value: peace of mind, for just 92 cents a month. "If we thought the Rapture was really going to happen," Centre says, "obviously our rate structure would be much higher."

    So let me get this straight - money is collected in the name of a religious belief (well, maybe taking advantage of belief) and it goes to charity? Interesting....

    So there you have it - believers and disbelievers working together, although I do have to wonder if this guy started this as a goof. I mean, really, who is falling for this? Think of all of the assumptions that you have to make to get to this kind of arrangement. Not only would the stories of the Rapture have to be true, but for some reason we disbelievers do not get sent to the underground roasting pit. Even if I believed the former, I've never heard anyone claiming the latter.

    I completely discount the idea of the Christian afterlife but maybe I need to reconsider it and actually root for it. Not that I would be a believer, mind you (I don't believe things just to make myself feel better or more important). But if all of the holy rollers gone, I see this world as being a much better place. Think about it - no wars, nobody digging around in my bedroom and nobody reminding me of what Jesus is said to have said. Better yet, I see skinemax on 24x7 instead of just friday nights. Nice.











      Seeing the Future from 1981   More in MAY   New Websites and Second Chances
      Created by muchgooder on Wednesday, May 19, 2010 12:15:04 PM
      I don't know Jamie - seeing as you feed your kids drive thru every night, can we trust you with animals?
         
      Created by Jamie on Tuesday, May 18, 2010 12:36:55 PM
      Oooh, where do I sign up for this in Oklahoma? I am going to be so poor because of all our animals....but then again, I can't take the money with me! LOL ;)
         
      Created by muchgooder on Friday, May 14, 2010 1:34:19 PM
      I see an opportunity here. Read today's blog - someone had an even simpler idea.
         
      Created by Wayne on Thursday, May 13, 2010 6:45:57 AM
      I will volunteer to cover the entire state of Georgia. LOL! This is great! I figured I'd be bored when I got "left behind". No worries now.
         

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