Thoughts on Infidelity (Happy Anniversary)

Today is our two year anniversary. For those of you that haven't heard the joke before, the funny thing about having our anniversary on the 21st is that it is the longest day of the year. Take that as you will. And for the record, I won't put anything sappy here - that is between me and my wife, although she'll probably say that there won't be anything sappy in the card either.

This may seem like the wrong day to bring this up but I'd like to talk about infidelity today. Last week there was a case where a local woman was caught performing a "lewd act" on another man. Both are in trouble but the woman is facing jail time. Why? Because she is married.

That's right - in New York state it is illegal to be married but to have consensual nookie with someone else. Some of you are probably reading this and thinking "good, it should be illegal". And I think that you would be wrong.

First, the state has no reason to peer into your bedroom. The old saying is true - why would they stop there? What about the kinds of acts that you can do? Or the kinds of people that you can sleep with (namely, people of the same gender). The list goes on and on.

The problem is that people confuse the mostly-religious concept of marriage with state's version of marriage. In the eyes of the law, marriage is a contractual agreement. Romantic, isn't it? If you decide to sleep with your business partner, is that a crime? Of course not (unless your partner is an animal or a twelve year old, course). So why should this be any different? Better yet, what about other situations? If you've dated someone that is waiting for the divorce to become official you may have broken the law. What about people that have open marriages? Why should the law tell them that they can not practice that lifestyle?

In the end it comes down to a puritanical and nostalgic version of an institution and that version is BS. Do you think that people that aren't married should be able to adopt? Well so do I. But the people that are trying to protect this imaginary ideal think that they should force their ideals on you. Once again, it all ties together. This is why people need to focus on liberties instead of their own likes and dislikes.

I could go on and on here. A common defense of this belief is "what about the children?". As Carlin said, if you're best argument is "what about the children", you don't have much of an argument. And for the record, I grew up in a home that had a very poor marriage. I would have rather that they divorced rather than trying to uphold some idea of a family that didn't exist (and worse, putting bad habits into our heads).

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A company called ashleymadison.com advertises on a radio show that I happen to frequent. In case you aren't familiar with this service, they specialize in hooking up married people. I've always had my suspicions about this company - I would guess that 99% of their clients are men and that they have fake profiles for women. After all, I think that women generally cheat because they have feelings for someone else. That's tough to do with a stranger, I would think. Besides, I can't imagine that a decent-looking woman would have to go far to fool around if she wanted to.

Anyway, back to the subject at hand. I was watching the Yankees game over the weekend and I saw a commercial for a website called mymarriagematters.com. This website is determined to have ashleymadison.com removed from the internet. I am completely against this.

I'm not saying that I condone what that company does because obviously I do not. I think it is unconscionable for someone to start that kind of service. That said, I think they are free to do it. After all, what is the real difference between this company and a chat room? Last time I checked, the two most likely places to hook up were the Internet and the office. Should we shut those down as well? I know, I know, it isn't the same thing. But when you think about it, it isn't far off either. It is just another dating site.

I bet that this hits home with some of you reading this and I'm sorry about that. Once again, I'm not condoning this behavior. I just think that it is foolish and even immoral to try to shut down these kinds of places. In the big picture a site like this one is a drop in the ocean. It isn't like people go to this site to be converted - they already want to cheat (and probably already have). At the end of the day we all have ourselves to answer to. If that isn't enough than running around shutting down these kinds of sites won't do a bit of good for anyone. Rebecca and I have this conversation every now and again. You can either try to micro manage a situation or you can just say that it is either going to fly or it isn't. If you need to micro manage then there is a bigger issue that you should address.

And for the record, how stupid is this site to try to shut down AM? As P.T. Barnum said, there is no such thing as bad publicity. I'm sure that every time that ad ran on tv there were hundreds of people that ran to AM's site. One can't buy that kind of publicity.

(note: there are some that believe that AM is behind the other site)